if I saw Odin in my cat's litter, could I get on CNN?

I accepted last night that The Simpsons has jumped the shark. This is a harsh and bitter conclusion, but seems undeniable. They’ve become the institution they’re supposed to be mocking. We’re supposed to think things that aren’t funny are funny because Homer says them. They were brilliant for longer than they had a right to be, but I’m ready to give up. I don’t want to have nostalgia for commercial television, but this I mourn.

Less importantly, it turns out there’s a new pope. I look forward to not hearing about Catholicism every day, although I’m braced for the inevitable funeral which is coming in not very many months. Needless to say, the coverage of the last few weeks has been a painful reminder of media’s sucking at the teat of power. I’m only more reminded of that by the way that we all have to call this dude Benedict now. That’s not his name. It’s really not. I do not know the history behind this new name tradition, and do not care to. It just reminds me too much of declaring war on Oceania and forgetting all about the war on Eurasia. I suspect if Dick Cheney declared he would only be referred to has Overlord Scroto our media would manage the transition seamlessly.

Of course, I see that my hope to not hear about Catholicism every day is already shattered. As I went to cnn.com to double check Benedict’s fake name, I found the headline, “Faithful see Virgin Mary in underpass stain.” I shit you not. Fuck, I cannot tell you how sick I am of these religious projective tests. Seriously, I don’t think an omnipotent god needs to be this subtle. Maybe his batteries are running out – he used to create universes, cause floods, part the Red Sea. Now there’s just enough strength left to make somebody’s poop look vaguely like Jesus’ brother James, if you squint just right, that is.

Colonel Klink, why have you forsaken me?